Stephanie & Kaye Lani Rae Rafko-Wilson
The Hunt 10 (plus 2)
Kaye Lani Rae Rafko-Wilson was crowned Miss America in 1988. Very recently, Kaye Lani agreed to share her thoughts with me on pageantry, life, and family.
Stephanie: You are the pioneer of platform issues in pageantry. How did this develop?
Kaye Lani: My first appearance as Miss America was in Portland, Maine at a convention center. There were
about 5,000 people there who had waited up to 4 hours to see me and hopefully get an autographed photo. The event coordinator asked me to step onto the stage and “stall” the crowd a bit until it was time to begin the autograph session. I had never had any public speaking training and just tried to think of something to say. I began sharing my testimony -- my faith, my family, and my career goals for Nursing and Hospice. I was the 1st Registered Nurse to be crowned Miss America and this came in the middle of a nursing shortage in our country. My profession experienced a drop in the Baccalaureate Nursing Programs nationwide in 1985 and hospitals/healthcare facilities began feeling that shortage in the year I was given the Miss America title. I traveled our country and spoke to students of all ages (pre-school, elementary, Jr. High. And HS); I visited nursing colleges, hospitals/healthcare facilities; anywhere I could, to speak about my profession and encourage others to choose nursing as a life-long career. People listened and responded. The American Nurses Association commented that I single-handedly improved the nursing shortage through the “powers of the crown”, increasing visibility and awareness. The leaders of MAO were impressed and decided to make it mandatory for each contestant to have a platform. I recall saying to the board, “Do you really think I am the first contestant to enter this program with something to say?” It was unintentional on my part, but timing is everything!!
Stephanie: It changed the face of pageants in a very positive way. Did you have a pre-pageant ritual?
Kay Lani: I would pray that God would give me the ability to be the best I could be at that moment in my life and to accept whatever his plan was for me.
Stephanie: You Tube carries video of your 1988 crowning as Miss America with approximately 12,000 views and your talent portion with approximately 9,500; both since 2006. Those are impressive numbers. As you look back on both of those moments what stands out the most?
Kaye Lani: Oh boy, that’s a tough one. I loved performing my talent and hearing the audience and my family cheer for me!!! I enjoyed performing on the stage and of course, loved dancing!! It was fun to bring Hawaii to the other side of the continental United States!! Of course, hearing the announcement; my name being called out; the chills and extreme shock: Like I as dreaming. One could never forget that moment. I still get the chills just thinking about it! Oh yes, and then the walk, the famous runway...wow! I think both of those times are at the top of my list!!!
Stephanie: You are still very much involved in pageantry. You’re the Executive Director of Miss Monroe County. When and why did you become involved?
Kaye Lani: I began competing in this program at the age of 17. It is the only pageant system I have participated in. I loved working with the volunteers and the backstage hostesses at every level!! I just wanted to give back and be able to be a part of the future contestants. I hope I am able to make their experience of this program just as special as mine was. While it’s wonderful to receive a crown, a contestant has to be there for more than the rhinestone tiara. This is a learning opportunity; a chance for growth personally and professionally; a chance to improve communication skills and increase self-esteem and self-confidence. When you take advantage of opportunities which help you become a better person with a stronger foundation...then you have won your “title”!!
Stephanie: Keeping that in mind -- what advice or words of wisdom would you pass on to those close to you or following in your footsteps?
Kaye Lani: Life is so much bigger than what we see in front of us. Sometimes we want things to happen for us in our time. The only way one can truly find fulfillment is to recognize that while our goals and our timing can sometimes work out in a grand way God’s plan for us and his timing is always perfect!! We may find it hard to accept at first, be disappointed and that’s okay. Trust me when I say I have experienced it all; the high and the low and life is really more than that crowning moment in Atlantic City (and what a great gift it was!). Life is about appreciating your family and friends, enjoying the gifts given to us in order to help others and striving for the ultimate goal of rejoicing in his Kingdom.
Stephanie: Was there any advice that you didn’t take that you should have?
Kaye Lani: I suppose everyone has some advice given to them that they wished they would have followed. At this moment, I can’t think of anything I regret not doing or advice I regret not taking. I had great teachers in my life and I learned many things from them; about life and staying focused; grounded and most importantly, faithful.
Stephanie: You are very active in your community. What led to your involvement with Hospice programs in Monroe County and Gabby's Ladder?
Kaye Lani: When I practiced as a nurse (before Miss America), I worked on the Oncology/Hematology unit. While it was very rewarding watching our patients leave the unit in remission and never come back for additional treatments, we still watched others not survive the battles against cancer. I would always worry about how they were doing. I did not want to feel like I had failed them: It was medicine and technology that failed them. I decided to get involved with hospice and inquired about a hospice in Monroe. Unfortunately, my community did not have a hospice program, but Toledo, Ohio did. I began referring my patients to that program and told myself I would work hard on getting one in Monroe. After Miss America, I met a fellow nurse who helped me bring hospice services to the level it is today in my community of Monroe County! In 2000, two nurses came to me sharing the stories of children and their families who had gone through an unexpected death. We became aware that there was a grief support service needed for those suffering from the loss of a loved one due to a car accident, heart attack, suicide, drowning, and homicide, anything where the death was unexpected. We began serving children, teens, adults and families in 2001. I am currently the Co-Director along with one of the founders, Jan Baden.
Stephanie: You’ve led a varied life – what has it taught you so far?
Kaye Lani: A friend of mine, Bill Halamandaris, shared with me that there are really two (2) educations in life. One teaches you how to make a living, while the other one teaches you how to live. He shared a quote with me from Truett Cathey, the founder of Chick-Fil-A Restaurants. When asked to define the purpose of life, Mr. Cathey responds without hesitation that within the circle of giving and receiving lays the design of the universe. Contrary to what we are taught in business school, when we die, our net worth is not measured by all that we have received; after we die, our net worth is actually measured by all that we have given in our lifetime. Making a difference in a person’s life doesn’t take much effort, but the rewards are bountiful!! Through my personal experiences and of those of people around me, I have learned to appreciate the fragility of life. Leo Buscaglia once said, “Enjoy each day as if it were your last, because one of these times you will be right.”
Stephanie: So true. Do you have a daily ritual? Something you do each day without fail?
Kaye Lani: Kiss my husband and children, tell them I love them -- and pray!
Stephanie: Tell me one thing you used to worry about that you don't worry about anymore?
Kaye Lani: Most things, finances, living a long life. I have learned that life is a gift and to enjoy that gift I need to have faith. Faith is not just believing; it is trusting in God.
Stephanie: If you could sit down with anyone -- past, present, or future -- who would it be, what would you talk about, and what's for dinner?
Kaye Lani: It would be my brother Nick. He died 14 years ago and I miss him very much. I would ask him what Heaven is like; how was it when he arrived, seeing Jesus and our loved ones who have died. Is he with our dad and my son, Gabriel? Does he watch over us? We would have his favorite meal: our mother’s homemade pierogies.
Stephanie: Kaye Lani, everyone wants to find peace somehow. What is peace for you and how do you find it?
Kaye Lani: My life is very hectic -- crazy at times! I juggle many things and have much responsibility for many organizations. Peace for me is staying home with my family, curled up together on the couch after a home cooked meal. We might be watching a movie together, playing a game, or just talking. I would have a blanket wrapped around me with a cup of hot tea. Of course, the phone would be off the hook! :) It’s tough to find and yet it’s always available to me right in front of me. I need to force myself to grab it and sit back and enjoy it.
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